


The Practice Room

by uaigneach



Series: It's An Idol's Life For Me [9]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Coping, Depression, Disney Movies, Gen, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, but the group loves him, mulan - Freeform, yi xing is a sad boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 14:38:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12937392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uaigneach/pseuds/uaigneach
Summary: lay has a bad day and his group makes him feel better





	The Practice Room

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be something angsty about how lay hides his depression but it turned into something almost fluffy so idk man. Whoever requested this I'm sorry it's not what you wanted but it's here
> 
> ALSO SORRY IF IT'S INACCURATE???

He pulled out a blue ballpoint pen, absentmindedly clicking it a couple times. He was sitting alone in a practice room, having taken refuge there after the big weekly group dinner. Usually he was never this exhausted, but the rest of the group was particularly excited about their upcoming concerts and recent successes. Don’t get him wrong, he was just as excited about that as the others, it’s just… spending so much time around the other members were exhausting.

He’d spent years living with them, but it never ceased to amaze him just how much energy was needed to entertain them. They were like big children. Yi Xing knew that some of the others felt this way too. It’s just that they were better at dealing with it than he was. He was a quiet person and the others were just so _loud._

The other members knew this, and that’s why they never said anything when he left after finishing his food or turned in early. They understood that sometimes he just needed his alone time. That doesn’t mean that they let him get away with locking himself away forever, just like they never let Chanyeol leave the table until he had finished a team approved plate of food. The members understood that everyone had issues and that they wouldn’t be able to fix them, but they weren’t going to let them drown either.

As Sehun once said, “if I’m stuck here, so are you.” And that was that.

Everyone chipped in to make sure that Chanyeol at at least one plate of food a day (especially after the dance practice incident) and finish 1 or 2 bottles of water. They knew Chanyeol hated food, so they didn’t push him more than was necessary.

They all worked together to make sure that Baekhyun wasn’t left alone with food too much, because he had a nasty habit of eating everything in sight whenever he felt an emotion and then feeling guilty and trying to throw it up. Not a healthy habit and the other members did not support it.

They made sure that Jongin and Sehun didn’t work themselves to exhaustion and that Joonmyun got enough sleep. They put up with Kyungsoo’s bedtime playlist and Minseok’s obsessive need for routines. And when Jongdae got to anxious, they stopped him from scratching at his arms.

Of all of them Yi Xing fancied himself the least destructive out of all of them. He didn’t have problems with food or body image and he didn’t unconsciously hurt himself or others when something went wrong. He was just easily exhausted around people. He just needed alone time to recharge. He’d curl up in a ball under a heavy comforter and just stare at the wall in a practice room. He had a special ‘do not disturb’ sign for when times like this one happened. The members would give him some downtime for a day (well as best as they could if they had a schedule) and then they’d find him and all clump together to watch a Disney movie.

They took care to make sure it was the Chinese version, and honestly that gesture just helped him so much. He missed having people who really understood him though. In some moments of weakness, he allowed himself to think about Yifan, Luhan, and Zitao. They all spoke his mother tongue and shared his heritage – they had a special connection with him. Being in a foreign country was hard, especially since his Korean wasn’t always the best.

After they’d left, he’d felt so lonely; so abandoned. They’d promised they wouldn’t leave and then they did. They didn’t need to, everyone was doing their best to handle issues.

 

He clicked the pen in his hand a couple times, foregoing the comforter in favour of pulling out a blank piece of paper.

He didn’t know what he was going to write yet.

 

Sure his Korean had gotten a bit better, and Jongdae and Minseok weren’t completely horrible at understanding him, but he missed the quiet conversations in his mother tongue with the other 3. At the end of the day, he probably just missed them.

The others did too – he knew that Sehun had been really close with Luhan afterall – but in moments like this, he couldn’t help but wallow in his self pity. He wa alone while being surrounded by people.

But he did his best to hide just how much it affected him still. He smiled and joked and then he hid in the practice room and tried to write music. Most of it ended up being scrapped because in moments like this he didn’t _want_ to write music, so it turned out like trash. He didn’t want to do anything, but it was a deal he’d made with the others so that they would leave him alone. He had to do something productive. Anything was fine, as long as it wasn’t staring at the wall and contemplating life.

He chose to write song lyrics and depressing poems. It wasn’t like anyone but hhimself was going to read them, so he just sorta wrote whatever was on his mind. He didn’t necessarily like doing it, but it was better than thinking about how insignificant he is. Idle hands promote an idle mind. When he got overwhelmed, thinking was not a good thing.

He needed to avoid thinking.

 

He placed the pen against the blank sheet of paper and just drew 5 lines. The lovely blue ink sliced across the paper, destroying the blank perfection. It was always so hard to break a page, but it had to be done.

He stared at those 5 lines for a moment before closing the staff and writing out a simple melody that had been stuck in his head all day.

 

B, A, Ab, Db, B, E, E.

 

Seven notes in the treble clef. He couldn’t remember where he’d heard it, but the soothing piano melody wouldn’t stop running through his head. He’d have to ash one f the others if they recognized it.

 

After spending time on the internet, he’d found that he wasn’t the only one who felt like this – easily overwhelmed, irritable, sad, tired. There was a whole community of people online who felt the same and were open to answer questions to whoever needed some answers.

 

Depression.

He didn’t think that he was clinically depressed, maybe he just suffered bouts of depression. Sometimes he was just fine, others… well all he can say is that these online mentors really helped him. There was so many blogs on how to deal with his depressive bouts. You know, just small helpful things that would help him move past them quicker.

Keeping busy was one of them, but so was taking time to just sleep and relax. Some people said just snuggling with your friends and family helped too. It was really about finding what worked best for you individually.

He preferred being alone and then when the worst of it had passed, he liked snuggles and movies. He’d shyly approached the members about this, they’d been all too happy to accommodate him. Kyungsoo insisted upon feeding him as well, and he couldn’t find it in himself to say no. Besides, the warm homemade meals were nice. Kyungsoo had learned how to make food in the same way his mother did, and it went a long way to make him feel less homesick.

It was nice.

 

He couldn’t remember how long it had been since he’d drawn the single line of music, but outside the window the sky was dark. He’d been trapped inside his thoughts for who know how long.

He was a bit confused, his mind muddled with a fog as he dropped his pen and stood up. He suddenly had a blanket draped over his shoulders. His thin hands rose subconsciously to clutch at the edges of the fabric, stopping it from falling. The door to the practice room was cracked open, letting in a delicious smell.

Had he fallen asleep?

He moved slowly out of the room, following what smelled like buttered microwave popcorn, until he arrived in the common area of the group’s dorm. All of the members were sitting on the couch with blankets and pillows and it looked like they’d left him a spot in the middle. Seeing them beckoning him towards them, he walked over slowly and gingerly sat down, quickly being wrapped up in the warmth of his friends’ body heat and the blankets. A bowl of popcorn was placed in his lap and he stared at it in surprise.

“Hey,” Joonmyun said softly, kneeling in front of him and gently getting his attention. “What movie do you feel like today?” his voice was soft and soothing, something that Yi Xing really like about their leader. He thought about the question for a second before answering.

“Mulan.” He decided, his voice slurred from sleep. Joonmyun nodded and slipped in the CD. He fell really content, the soft sound of the Chinese Disney movie in the background and his friends around him.

He fell asleep just after the scene where Mulan proved that she was a badass, with a smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> lol I mentioned exo's other issues so if y'all want to see a short fic about any of them drop me a comment down below
> 
> And first person to guess where the melody is from can request whatever the hell they want and I will reasearch it (if I don’t know the fandowm) and write it


End file.
